found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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