The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
