So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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