you guys were way drunker than both of me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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