I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
