I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
