I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
