i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
