I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
