There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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