how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
