Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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