Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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