just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize