I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
