I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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