my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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