I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
