I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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