HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
