Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
