And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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