why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
