There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
