God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
