so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
