Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
