Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize