Bisexual people are plain selfish.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
