I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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