the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
