and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize