I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
