You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
