I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
