she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
