And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
