Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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