There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
