i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
