Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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