is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
