yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
