Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
