I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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