Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
