im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
