i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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