it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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