ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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