No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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