Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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