I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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