Fuck appropriateness.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize