They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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