I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
