he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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