I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
