Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
