I looked at my own cervix.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
nutella sex= disaster
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
