playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
