I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
