hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
