Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
