The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
