remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
