I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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