Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
