he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize