Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
