Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
