Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
