We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
