Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
