So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
