I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You ruined the universe
Randomize
