Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im holly from the hills drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
