who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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