Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
