And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
