remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
