omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
