On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
