She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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