i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
