woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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