I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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