All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i dont even know how to be here
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
