And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
