Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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