i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
