The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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